Only in Your Dreams Read online

  Come down and see me. I miss you. xx

  Serena had been starting to doubt herself after all the insults from Ken Mogul, but here it was: incontrovertible, digital proof that she, Serena van der Woodsen, still had it.

  The taxi made a wide turn onto Twenty-third Street and Serena felt her heart start to pound a little faster—in just a few minutes she’d be at the hotel. She’d been with handsome guys before, but she’d never fallen for anyone quite like Thaddeus. Of course he was gorgeous, but there was something else about him. Serena felt like they could be more than costars, more than lovers—they could be best friends, too.

  Not that she needed a new best friend. Or did she? She could never remember.

  When they reached the Chelsea at last, she stuffed a twenty-dollar bill into the driver’s hand, burst from the back-seat, and dashed into the lobby of the hotel. Even though filming had begun at Barneys, Ken had said she needed as much off-set practice as she could get. The familiar dark hallways lined with famous paintings gave Serena a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, but she tried to forget about all the negative things that Ken had yelled at her in the building and focus on what was about to happen: she was about to get together with Thaddeus Smith.

  She knocked softly on his door and he pulled it open almost immediately, a startled look on his face. His very baggy cargo shorts had slid down to reveal his simple gray boxers.

  “Serena,” he exclaimed. “What’s going on?”

  “Nothing,” she breathed, brushing past him and into the room. She tossed her khaki-colored Marc Jacobs drawstring beach bag on the floor and plopped onto the couch.

  Thaddeus closed the door and pulled his shorts up, blushing slightly. “So,” he said. “What’s happening? Were you just in the neighborhood?”

  “Something like that.” Serena laughed. It was cute to see the world-famous actor squirming. God, she loved flirting with him.

  “So,” Thaddeus mumbled, picking up his discarded T-shirt from the floor and pulling it over his head. He sat in the arm-chair and placed his feet on the coffee table. “Have you been rehearsing on your own?”

  “It’s such a drag,” Serena sighed. “But Ken acts like I’m never going to get it right.”

  “I always say it’s harder work than people think,”Thaddeus agreed. “People think it’s all glamour, all parties and premieres, but I fucking earn my paychecks. I guess I don’t need to tell you that.”

  Making three million per movie must be hard.

  “I wish someone had warned me.” Serena picked her bag up off the floor and dug her hand inside. She’d gotten so worked up on her way over, she needed to relax. “Mind if I smoke?”

  “No, of course not.” Thaddeus gestured lamely at the coffee table, which was already set with an ashtray and several lighters. “The thing is, Serena, this isn’t a great time. My friend Serge is supposed to stop by.”

  Serena stayed where she was. Why was it so hard to get a minute alone with him?

  “Well, your text message didn’t sound like you were that busy.” She smiled nervously. His coy act was a little confusing.

  Only a little?

  “Shit,”Thaddeus exclaimed.“You got my text message?”

  “Uh-huh,” she murmured breathily.

  “Well, I’m glad you did,” he stammered. “I thought that we could, um, well, I thought that maybe we should get some work done.”

  Why was he so nervous? It was hard to believe that someone as gorgeous and successful as Thaddeus Smith could be so shy around girls! “Work .” She pouted. “I thought you might want to, you know, have a little fun?”

  “Fun,” repeated Thaddeus. “Work can be—” His chirping cell phone interrupted him. He glanced at the display. “Serena, I’ve got to grab this. I’m sorry. I’ll be just be a second.” He scurried into the bedroom, so all Serena could hear was “Hello.”

  She stubbed out her half-smoked cigarette. Thaddeus’s freaky behavior was starting to make her nervous. Was she coming on too strong? Not strong enough? He was the one who’d sent her a sexy text message. Why would he invite a friend over? Maybe Thaddeus was kinky? That wasn’t really her thing.

  Oh, really?

  “Sorry about that,” Thaddeus apologized, shuffling back into the room. He tossed his phone onto the coffee table, where it landed with a bang. “Anyway, as long as you’re here, let’s run some lines.”

  “Lines?” asked Serena.

  “You can use my script,” Thaddeus said, sinking into the armchair with a sigh. “I’ve got my lines down.” “Let’s start with scene seventeen,” she offered hopefully. “You know, the love scene?”

  Rehearsing a love scene might be as close as she’s going to get.

  tea for two

  “You okay?” Vanessa asked Dan. He was sprawled across his bed, wincing in pain. There were Camel butts all over the worn brown carpet, as if he couldn’t be bothered to get up and get one of the half-empty coffee mugs he usually used as an ashtray.

  “Fuuuuu-uuuck,” he muttered. “I think I pulled something.”

  Vanessa picked up the dog-eared beige copy of the Bhagavad Gita from his unmade bed. She knew it was some sacred Indian text, but she’d never had any interest in finding out any more about it. Then she noticed Dan was working on a poem in his big black notebook. He rolled over onto his back.

  “Whatcha writing?” she asked, reaching for the notebook. She read the first couple of lines:

  Pure love. Pure lust. Trust trust.

  Buddha was no Jesus. Neither am I.

  I’m just a guy.

  News flash: Bikram yoga kills creative brain cells, causing poets who already write bad poetry to write really bad poetry.

  “You can’t read that!” Dan snatched the notebook out of her hands. “It’s, um, private.”

  “Do you want some tea?” he asked, sitting up. “I just bought some Mint Meltdown. It’s supposed to empty the body of toxins and help your body really breathe.”

  Vanessa snorted. “You’re joking, right?”

  “Come on.” Dan yawned. He rose to his feet unsteadily, and Vanessa followed him out of the bedroom and down the dark hall, moving at a grandfather’s pace through the swinging door into the kitchen, which was filled with stacks of dirty dishes. There were breadcrumbs all over the counter and the toaster was lying on its side. Rufus had left a fondue pot filled with cheese in the middle of the butcher-block island. Vanessa took a fork and poked at its thick skin while Dan microwaved two mugs full of water.

  Dan dropped two bags of Mint Meltdown into the mugs and handed her one. Vanessa tried to catch his eye, but weirdly, he wouldn’t look at her. This was partly due to the fact that Vanessa looked pretty in her new black cap-sleeve dress and partly because he was wracked with guilt for getting sweaty with Bree and not even mentioning anything about it to his supposed girlfriend.

  “So,” she began tentatively. “I feel like I’ve hardly seen you.”

  “I’ve been working a lot,” he replied, burying his nose in his mug. “They really need me at the Strand. And I’ve made some new friends.”

  Vanessa chuckled. “I guess the high-stakes world of used-book retail never quits.” Why was he acting so bizarre? She’d been able to tell he was disappointed a couple days ago about her working such long hours, but ever since she moved in they’d been like new roommates who didn’t even know each other.

  “You don’t have to be rude,” Dan countered, tapping his spoon against the top of his BEAT POETS DO IT ON THE ROAD travel mug. “Judgment leads but to the path of negative energy.”

  “Excuse me?” Vanessa whispered shrilly. “Could you run that by me again?”

  “I don’t expect you to understand.” He sipped his tea even though it was still scalding hot. “It’s one of the elemental sign-posts of the yogi’s philosophy.”

  “The only yogi I know is the bear who steals the picnic baskets. I don’t know where you picked up this New Age talk, but the Dan Humphrey I used to know and lov
e and kind of had the hots for would think you are full of shit.”

  “Well, the Vanessa Abrams I used to know and love wouldn’t be caught dead slaving for a Hollywood sellout,” Dan retorted angrily. He left out the “kind of had the hots for” part since he kind of had the hots for someone else at the moment.

  “Excuse me?”Vanessa set her cup down. Now that was just plain unfair. He knew Ruby had kicked her out and she needed the money. And wasn’t he proud of her working on a feature film at the age of only eighteen? “At least my job requires more skill than alphabetizing dusty old books by author name.”

  He closed his eyes and breathed in noisily through his flared nostrils, something he’d learned yesterday in yoga. In with the good, out with the bad. “I thought living together would be so great, but I think you’ve changed.”

  Vanessa sighed over her steaming cup of tea. It tasted like Aquafresh toothpaste and Pine-Sol. “You’re the one who’s changed,” she shot back. “Maybe I should just get out of your hair.” She blew into her mug.

  “Please,” Dan retorted angrily. “You wanted me out of your hair, not the other way around. I was the one who cared about this summer together. You just wanted to work.”

  “Well, I guess we’re both getting what we want.” Vanessa took another sip of Mint Meltdown tea before setting it down on the counter among the old newspapers and food-encrusted saucepans. Then she stomped out of the kitchen and out of the apartment to get a decent cup of coffee at the greasy deli up on Broadway.

  Dan ran his hands through his messy light brown hair. He was having a meltdown all right, but not the right kind of meltdown. He pulled a pack of Camels out of the pocket of his faded black cords and lit one using the front burner on the gas stove.

  Surely Yogi would not approve.

  imitation is the sincerest form of flattery

  Blair slipped her feet into the ivory calfskin Winter by Bailey Winter stilettos she’d chosen as the finishing touch to her interview outfit. They were a tad over the top, maybe, but she had to wear something by the man himself. It would have been so cheesy to show up in his clothes, but shoes were a sly, subtle way to acknowledge his greatness without looking like some dorky, desperate fashion groupie.

  Blair was in baby Yale’s nursery—aka her former bedroom—admiring herself in the full-length mirrors—the light was so much better there than in Aaron’s dingy room, where the stink of his herbal cigarettes was embedded in the walls. She nodded at herself in the mirror. She looked confident, but she felt nervous. Blair had a history of bad luck with interviews—she had actually kissed her interviewer when she was applying to Yale. Then, when she’d requested a second interview with a Yale alumnus, she’d almost slept with him. Chances were slim she’d end up making a pass at Bailey Winter—he was handsome enough in a supertan, blinding-white-teeth kind of way, but Blair was definitely not his type.

  Ahem. Not unless she changed her name to Sir Blair.

  She turned and glanced over her shoulder to catch her reflection from a different angle. Getting this interview had been even easier than she’d hoped—all it had taken was a call from Eleanor Rose—but this was her big chance and she didn’t want to blow it.

  Serena could have her Hollywood stardom; Blair would have a career in fashion. She knew all the right designers, stores, and magazines: she really understood clothes and how to wear them. One day very soon she’d be a world-famous fashion muse. She’d sit in the front row at every Bailey Winter show, have a fragrance named after her, and appear in his ad campaigns. Their relationship would be just like Audrey Hepburn’s relationship with the house of Givenchy—the stuff of legend. Let Serena play at being Audrey Hepburn onscreen: Blair would be Audrey Hepburn in real life.

  But didn’t Serena already have a perfume named after her? Oops.

  The insistent chime of her Vertu cell phone echoed from Aaron’s old room, interrupting her daydream. She’d been back in New York for forty-eight hours, but no one had called her, on either her U.K. line, which only Lord Marcus had the number to, or her regular phone, which was how the whole world reached her. She was living in exile, she told herself, and refused to rejoin society until she could make some dramatic statement—for example, that she’d flown back from the U.K. at Bailey Winter’s special request. She couldn’t have it leaking out that she was back because Lord Marcus was more interested in making googly eyes at his horse-faced cousin than in ravishing Blair in her huge hotel bed.

  As if we don’t have ways of finding out the truth.

  She dashed back to Aaron’s room and whisked the phone off the bureau. The display read MARCUS. His Lordship himself.

  She pressed the receive button. “What?” she demanded rudely.

  “Blair, darling, what happened? I’ve been trying to reach you.”

  “I don’t really see what we have to talk about,” Blair replied icily. “If you wanted to talk, you had plenty of time when we were still on the same continent.”

  “You mean you’ve left?” Lord Marcus remarked, clearly surprised. “I thought maybe you’d just moved hotels or gone off to Paris to see your father or something. I was so worried.”

  “I’m sure you were,” Blair snapped sarcastically, heading back toward Yale’s room.

  “This isn’t about Camilla, is it, dearest? Because, you see, we’re second cousins, so of course—”

  “Of course what?” Blair demanded, watching her face flush in the full-length mirror. “To be honest, I’d rather not know, honestly. If you want to get all Flowers in the Attic, it’s your business. Anyway, I don’t have time for this—I’m a woman in demand. I’m a muse!”

  “You’re amused, love? It was all a misunderstanding then?” Lord Marcus responded happily. “Camilla is asking about you as well. She’ll be so relieved.”

  “Send her my regards,” Blair quipped. She pressed end, then slipped the battery out of the telephone’s body and it went dead. After inspecting it closely to make sure there were no tiny parts that might come off, she left it in baby Yale’s crib.

  Because you’re never too young for your first cell.

  Blair glanced at her Chanel bracelet-watch. She was due at Bailey Winter’s soon, and it wouldn’t do to be late. She walked down the long hall toward the kitchen, where she found her mother stationed at the marble-topped island, nibbling on a cold rillette sandwich despite the fact that they were supposed to be leaving any minute. Blair’s younger brother, Tyler, and his girlfriend, Jasmine, were clustered around her on low-backed stools, sipping Cokes.

  “Nice to see you again, Blair.” Jasmine beamed an adoring smile across the cool white kitchen.

  Jasmine was Blair’s stalker. This had become infinitely clear when she showed up at Blair’s graduation party wearing the exact same white Oscar de la Renta suit Blair was wearing. Her nearly-black hair was remarkably shiny and healthy looking, but she was probably the most annoying person alive.

  “Mom,” Blair ordered, ignoring Jasmine. “Put that down. We’ve got to get going.”

  “Hush,” her mother reprimanded, dusting some invisible crumbs off the marble-topped island. “We’ve got time. Besides, I’ve been going to Bailey Winter’s house for years. That man is always ten minutes late. It’s a known fact.” She took another bite of her sandwich.

  “Bailey Winter?” Jasmine looked excited. She spied Blair’s shoes. “Those are Bailey Winter! I have the same ones in black. I should’ve gotten the ivory.”

  Blair glared at her.

  “Hey Blair?” asked Tyler as he simultaneously downloaded songs onto his iPod and sent a text message. His eyes kept darting from one screen to the next.

  “Yes?” She tapped her stilettoed foot impatiently. Could they please just get the fuck out of here?

  “Did you really go all the way to London and not bring me, like, even one present?”

  “Sorry,” she sighed. “I came back in kind of a hurry.”

  “Although you certainly found time to buy yourself a few things,” E
leanor observed, popping a picholine olive between her lips.

  “I’m Jasmine.” Tyler’s girlfriend hopped to her feet and extended her hand to Blair. “You’re Blair, of course. We actually met before, but you were hosting your graduation party, so you may not remember.”

  As if Blair could possibly forget her little imitator.

  There was something suspicious about a thirteen-year-old with such good manners. In fact, there was something suspicious about Tyler having a girlfriend—he’d never seemed even remotely interested in girls before, preferring instead the company of his computer, his hookah, and his vinyl record collection.

  “Let’s go, Mom,” Blair demanded. “I don’t want to be late. This is my chance to make a really great impression.”

  “Oh, honey.” Eleanor finished her sandwich and tossed the remains on the counter for Myrtle to clean up. “I’m so glad to see you taking this so seriously.”

  “Wait, are you going to see Bailey Winter?” Jasmine demanded.

  Wouldn’t she like to know.

  “He’s interested in hiring me,” Blair informed her icily.

  “I just love his clothes,” Jasmine gushed. “Of course, I’m not supposed to buy anything that’s not B by Bailey Winter— my mom says I have to wait until I start high school before I’m allowed to get my hands on the good stuff, but that’s okay by me. I mean, I have to wear a uniform anyway, so—”

  “Yeah, whatever.” Blair cut her off. Did she ask for this kid’s life story? “I’m going down to ask the doorman to hail a cab. Mom, you better be ready in five minutes or I’m going without you.”

  Blair rode down to the lobby alone and stood in front of the building smoking and keeping time on her Chanel watch. After precisely five minutes had passed, Eleanor breezed out of the building in a grapefruit-colored Bailey Winter shirtwaist dress and beige Tod’s flats. But she wasn’t alone: Jasmine was scurrying excitedly next to her like a three-year-old before her first Nutcracker performance. Blair was unfazed. There was a movie playing in her head: the waifish muse was on her way to visit her genius couturier. Even Jasmine couldn’t fuck it up.